Which happy do you prefer?

       Once a month I sit at my favorite cafe in Los Angeles and evaluate my life.  "Am I happy?" Is always the first question. To be honest with you sometimes the answer is yes sometimes no. It depends on my mood and what's going on in my life. If I had an argument with the significant other moments before, telling me I'm shopping to much. I'm probably in a bad mood. On the other hand, if I had a performance gig the night before. I'm still on my natural high and therefore in a good mood. 

This might seem odd but what I've discovered is that there are two forms of happiness for me. I have the physical and the spiritual. The physical, which is controlled by my moods. For example, when I get a new pair of shoes from Nordstrom. I stare at them, while I'm waiting in line at the register to pay for them, admiring their beauty. I'm happy on a physical level. However when I'm writing or singing or being creative that's a totally different kind of happiness. It comes from within, that's why I call it my spiritual happy.   Believe me both forms of happiness are a priority in my life and I try to keep a balance.

 Sometimes while sitting in the cafe, I feel emotions that I don't understand. I don't know where the heck they come from. My inner world is discombobulated. I become anxious and ask, "why are my emotions complicated"?  What I have come to realize is that everyone's emotions can be complicated on some level. I am no different, I only choose to examine mine.  As we are all on an individual journey. The destination however is the same place. That place being discovering the God or goddess within myself and yourself.  What I realized is that being sad, happy, excited, disappointed, etc.  Whatever emotion I experience it's all apart of life. It's what you call the journey. I acknowledge the emotion, try to understand it.  If I don't, I'm confident that I will come to understand it sometime in the future and move on. 
 The answers I don't know always eventually come to me. I only need to have patience.
 Keeping a journal always helps me to sort through my emotions. This is how I discovered I had two levels of happiness.  As you probably guessed as I'm writing this post. I'm very happy and I hope you are too! Do you need both levels of happiness in your life? Feel free to leave a comment.